The recent days are always gray, with one or two rains falling from time to time, which looks like the face of a child with uncertain weather. It was near the beginning of spring, but it was colder than winter, adding a layer of bleak. I never thought that the snow scene that I had been thinking about in the winter of last year would float down in this season. In a Korean drama, it is said that all the lies can be forgiven when it first snowed. Is it true? Does it mean that people’s hearts can be redeemed and understood at this time? In children’s eyes, fairy tales are real and the world we live in. Children are willing to believe in fairy tales, just as my little nephew believes in green grasslands and smart Pleasant Goat, there are stupid wolves who can’t catch sheep and sponges who can speak. Once he asked me why gray wolf was so stupid that he couldn’t catch Pleasant Goat. I asked him if he wanted to watch this cartoon all the time. He said, I told him that Gray Wolf would never eat sheep if he wanted, and he didn’t understand. I didn’t tell him that there was no green grassland or Pleasant Goat in this world, but I told him that he must admit the lie, so that he could be forgiven by others. In fact, what I told him was not a fairy tale or a lie. For three years, I always like to have that dream. Every time it is the same, every time I wake up at a plot point. After waking up, I can’t fall asleep any more and go through the dawn. I haven’t mentioned this dream to anyone. This is my wound, my heart knot, the past I want to go back, and the distance I can’t touch. It is a dream, but actually it is not. It is a reality, a bloody reality. In order to cover up its ugly appearance, I painted it beautifully with gorgeous lies. I can’t find a better solution. No one can really understand it. No one knows that I have been hiding in bed for countless nights. People who have never experienced this kind of feeling don’t understand at all. It seems that the heart is no longer my own, drinking hot water will freeze immediately, and in the hot summer, I will feel cold all over my body. It really tortures people. For a period of time, I always locked myself in the house and didn’t contact with the outside world. There were a lot of instant noodles and junk food stored in the refrigerator, which could be eaten by myself for a long time. In the daytime, all the windows are closed tightly, and the curtains are closed, hiding in the bed to sleep; At night, all the lights at home are turned on, and the windows are also turned on, and the cold wind is blowing to read novels. Live a Life reversed from normal people. It is also during this period that I suddenly hope that people who know me, people who like me and people who hate me can forget me and format me thoroughly. This is also because of the dream that I always love, which makes me feel insecure suddenly, blows me hard for a moment, and makes me begin to doubt how true my friends around me are to me. At that time, there was no family, no friends, no people to talk around, and I was tortured by that nightmare, and suddenly felt that everything was empty. Empty houses and empty hearts inevitably have to think wildly. The more you think about it, the more pitiful you will feel. You will cry like abandoning the world. Today, I was scared to wake up by that dream again. When I woke up, I cried. What should I do to make myself indifferent and face bravely. Is it my robbery? In the past three years, I have been healing myself silently, telling myself that it has passed long ago and nothing can’t be passed. No matter things or people, they will pass. Also today, my father said to me: in my eyes, you are not as useless as they said. On the contrary, I have always been convinced that my daughter is capable, no matter how old you are, I will also raise you! Hurriedly hid in the toilet, covering his mouth and crying all the time, until his nose lost the ability to breathe, he sorted out his emotions. I know Dad loves me, but he never said these words to me. I remember reading a sentence: Your father is the man who loves you most in the world. Said of good. It was still raining outside. Thinking of what my father said and my mother’s concern to dress more, tears kept flowing. My parents knew that, but they didn’t know that it had evolved into my dream. They loved to wake me up when I was sleeping. Because of that incident that year, it was the first time that I heard my father’s old, helpless and painful voice on the phone, which completely overturned his dignified and young image in my impression. After that year, I suddenly found that my parents were old, but I could do nothing. That year, I suddenly grew up. I don’t know if I will dream again tonight. I think I won’t cry again tonight. Today’s tears have dried up, and today’s I am tired. That’s it. Let it rain all the time. At least I still have a house that can shelter from the rain and a quilt that can withstand the cold. I should be satisfied.

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