I am loyal fans of the cavalrymen, they often see them galloping all the way in tights, helmets and sunglasses. No matter on the country path or on the spacious road, I will have heartfelt envy. I also imagine the woman, like Spiderman, like Masked Warrior, no matter what kind of warrior, I think it seems that as long as the whole body is armed, the cat can walk like a swordsman on the seat. So today, I also tried to get along with my husband. I don’t have any professional equipment. I just wrap my head up with beautiful silk scarves and wear sunglasses. Looking in the mirror anytime and anywhere, I feel very stylish. When I set out, I wanted to ride a bike for fun, and by the way, I went to Yanjin County to see the old classmates I hadn’t seen for many years. At the moment on the road, I suddenly wanted to cross Yanjin and ride to Kaifeng’s hometown, which was 200 miles away. I want to ride leisurely, swing, slowly, listen to the music, not too tired, at most spend some time. And I have plenty of time. It’s good to ride to a place to live in the dark. Together with this thought, the flower in my heart seemed to bloom, and immediately I was full of energy. I was embarrassed to admit that even Vanity rose instantly. I, a weak woman and a slim lady, rode to Kaifeng hundreds of kilometers away. What perseverance and persistence I had. My heart, as if I had achieved my wish, couldn’t help being complacent. Leg under wind. But I didn’t expect to retreat so early. Although his mouth was still tough and his legs were still persistent, his heart was deflated first. The reason is not because I am tired, but because my leg hurts. I have never had any leg pain before when riding a bike, but today’s right leg knee has a much more pain from the faint pain just now, and the pain area is gradually expanding. I felt timid at first. How could my legs hurt? Was it the sequela of dancing injury that year? At that time, I was lame for a month. Don’t try to ride to Kaifeng for a while and then return tomorrow. The root of the disease is small, and it’s great to be disabled for life. The little drum in my heart was so loud that my legs slowed down obviously. Finally, I couldn’t help walking down and trying. It seemed that I didn’t feel much. Then continue. As long as I am not disabled, a little illness and disaster will not destroy the high morale in my heart. But why hasn’t it arrived in Yanjin County? The market in Guguzhai has been gone for a long time, but the shape of the trees along the road has not changed a little. Sometimes there are turns, but what happens after turning, it is not that endless trees flash by me, and flash again. God, what is a long road? A long road. I finally, I finally said that I would not go to Kaifeng, but to Yanjin to catch up with my classmates. But where is Yanjin, there is no hint that he wants to reach the destination at all. The more I rode, the weaker I was, and the more frustrated I was. My thigh couldn’t move my lower leg, and my thigh and lower leg were disjointed. They separated, and my left leg also joined the ranks of pain. Is it inevitable that my legs hurt during a long journey? I really want to sit on the ground and cry. My husband also saw my depression, knowing that I could not ride a tiger and was in a dilemma, so he took out the thick rope prepared in advance, tied a knot, hung one end on my car and one end on his car. I feel ashamed. Although I am not a heroine, I still want to pursue the fashionable title of female Man. But I had no choice but to have a hard journey. I couldn’t do it. We had to follow him on the road against our will. Don’t say it’s really energy-saving. I never thought that one car with another car could be done so easily. But it’s too dangerous. If I can’t control it well and get it along with the rope in front of me, I will definitely fall down. This great potential safety hazard made me very uneasy. In case that good man took a photo and sent it to the Internet, alas, the consequences! Look, I’m so tired that I have the mood to think about it. Forget it. I ‘d better be self-reliant. I ‘d rather be tired than dangerous. This is the main road for trucks to fly. After many hardships and tears, I finally arrived at the county where my classmate was located. But it is already lunch break. My classmates took us to the Wanshou Tower, the only historic site in Yanjin. This tower was built during Wanli’s reign, with a seven-story attic-style brick tower. Not open to the public, just look at the appearance of the tower, the shade of pine and cypress, the hexagonal eaves and the delicate carved lotus, which are indeed the color of brick, simple and restrained, and unremarkable, but the more such a thing is, the more it can withstand the baptism of wind and rain, and the longer it lasts. It stands quietly and unobtrusive, overlooking the changes of the world, and naturally has the character of calm and magnanimity. The temple where this tower is placed has an intriguing name Dajue Temple. The world is boundless. Outside the wall of Dajue Temple is the street of Red Men and green women. It is chaotic and bustling. The quiet temple is surrounded by noise. When the door is opened, it will be a crowd of people. Close the door and talk about Buddhism. This is given, what kind of enlightenment does it give to the world. The so-called “great thinking and great Enlightenment” could not be separated from the vulgar and vulgar in the world originally, but fell into it, which was a precious state. I this silently standing. It seems that I want to cleanse my mortal heart. But we didn’t dare to delay. We stopped and went for nearly five hours during the 80-mile journey. Seeing the sunset, the speed of coming, can’t it reach midnight? Besides, my legs are still fighting. It is really a question whether I can insist on riding back. I dare not think about it, but only walk with the bullet of head. It was relaxing at the beginning when I came, but the way back, from heart to leg to every part of the body, was heavy at the beginning. I have no confidence at all. I am afraid of this journey. For this psychological weakness, my return Road was doomed to be tragic. But this is not the case. It was just difficult at the beginning. Later I tried to pull his hand and let him walk with it. I felt like a flash of lightning, and it also seemed very romantic. Outsiders look like glue, in fact, it is completely out of physical tiredness. It hurts my waist. But no matter where the pain is, the pain is numb in the end. I don’t know after a long time, I can finally turn all the pain into numbness. At this time, I also entered my urban area. The sun had already fallen from my eyelids to the mountain. It was already dark, but I was not afraid of it. I felt more and more at home. After leaving the door, I realized that the home was so warm and rare. I spread it away, and ran to my home, running to the only one that belonged to me. The return trip takes only three hours. Finally back. I thought that my broken legs didn’t hurt at all, and the hardship on the road could not be reflected at home at all. But I left a shadow in my heart. I was a little timid about the word “Qi Qiran. I dare not imagine riding to Kaifeng any more. Riding 80 miles and going back and forth for 1.6 miles will become the limit of my life. Not dare to challenge.

Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era

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An emotional diary of a Christian (January 14, 2018)

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Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Jrshjmoewho

I don’t know when, when I was fortune-telling, I knew that my mother was the most influential person in my life. Now it seems that in my life, the person who influences me most is also my mother, and I have an indescribable attachment to my mother; I once chose my mother when I chose my favorite person in my life, then she went back to her hometown resolutely and accompanied her mother; And when she was in a different place, the first thing that came to her mind was that she couldn’t let go. I don’t know why? Some people say that this is a natural Oedipus complex, but now I think it may be a little bit! But what is more important is that my mother worked hard and was responsible for her whole life; My mother worked hard and worked hard all her life. For this family, for our children, what is more important is her personality belief; I admire her very much: she is always weak and has no culture, but she manages the whole family and supports our four children; This is the greatest achievement for her in my opinion! Until now, every time I saw her hands full of calluses, I couldn’t help feeling heartbroken. I hated myself for not being angry and not listening to her when I was a child, She always contradicts and quarrels with her, and even insults her. Now I think it is really embarrassing, but she is still silent; She always forgives me unprincipled, no matter how much mistakes I have made; I think all mothers in the world are the greatest, while my mother is the one who can bear hardships and stand hard work most; But now she is still talking like that, and it is even worse than that. Afraid to eat, wear not warm! Maybe she has her own ideas. After all, she is old and I don’t know how long she can work for us. Today she has nothing to do and writes something about her mother. I find she is really amazing; here I want to say that you are lucky and bitter. Don’t be too tired. Have a good rest when you are free! My son was not filial before, and I won’t let you worry about me any more! Take good care of yourself and pay special attention to your health. My son will learn from your nagging today!

Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era

The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them…

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Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing…

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January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s…

Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Jrshjmoewho

Mood, there is no good, uncomfortable. Everything will be OK. Optimism should always bring some self-deception, right? Things are not absolutely good. If you keep thinking about good things, you can’t see the hidden disadvantage. People are more emotional animals, letting emotions reflect and think. Everything will be OK. Even if it is self-deception, at least one thing is good, at least the mood will not be so bad. Lies repeated for thousands of times become truth, but the functionalism is actually good to some extent. Life is just a few decades. There is nothing wrong with finding useful and happy. Spear and shield, people spend their whole life in the opposite, and human nature is the pursuit of bad, want to get rid of bad, as long as good. It can also be said that it is a series of bad things and feelings that urge a person to change and move forward. Any decision or choice I make is right, which is conducive to my growth and development, which is affirmative.

Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era

The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them…

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Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing…

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January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s…

Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Hyngqlgrph

Based on my ups and downs experience in the mall and over twenty years’ experience in the stock market, I always think that if I can do a good job in the stock market, at least I can get a relatively higher profit than the interest rate and financial products in the same period, but no, the stock market is becoming more and more complex and changing, like the vast sea, I explore the boundless, so I change with the constant, like grasping a life-saving straw in the sea, not to sink completely, wait, wait for the day when sunrise comes to shore. In the recent sharp drop, the Shanghai stock index broke 2000 points, and I put the remaining money in my hand again, waiting for the opportunity. Unexpectedly, the stock market seemed to call me: if you dare to invest, I will dare to fall. See who can compare with who? Hey, let you do it whenever you want. What is stock? I feel it is light, like a piece of paper, not money, nor the real embodiment of listed companies. That day, my husband and I discussed what kind of stock is good? My husband said, if there is stable income, it will be OK if the interest rate exceeds that of the same period. In fact, when I invest in stocks, I expect to get such a profit, and I don’t want to manipulate it all the time. But now the stock is becoming more and more clear. A few years ago, the well-invested listed companies still had dividends and earnings. Now they don’t tell the investors the earnings. There is little difference between good and bad stocks. Each stock forms a circle, it’s like playing the game of dismissing handkerchiefs with us in circles. The more you turn, the more you become fascinated until you faint. Why do stocks fall more and rise less? Some people say that the rising and falling institutions all make money, because stock index futures can also make money by short selling, while stock index futures can not be done by anyone, and small and medium-sized retail investors have no right to do it. In this way, with such continuous decline, none of the small and medium-sized retail investors was spared. I browsed the stocks issued with high price-earnings ratio a few years ago, many of which fell below the issue price a lot, that is, if the issue price was eight yuan, it was four or five yuan now, so it was still falling, is the listed company empty? Manage with irrational? Or hide a bigger loophole that we can’t see? I don’t want to explain the mist, and no one can explain it. Because of all irrationality, you can only look far away and walk your own way according to your own judgment. I was most afraid that my husband would knock on the keyboard at the opening time of the stock, which was like knocking on my heart. Because he made short-term speculation, he always operated frequently and got a little gains, which made him complacent. But take a closer look, the loss of frequent operation is bigger than that of sitting on the Diaoyutai, what should I do? He said he liked stocks, even if he couldn’t do well. But I’m afraid, that is the boundless sea, boundless! Therefore, I guided him to be interested in how good it is to travel and write calligraphy. It is relieved and beneficial to health. In fact, the same is true. Although I am in it, I am tired of it. I try my best to stay away from it, read books and travel far away, do the things in front of me well, and be happy every day. The reason why I groped in your stock market for more than twenty years and didn’t give up completely is that I still believe in the return of rationality and that the ultimate goal of people’s pursuit of life is spiritual cultivation and perfection. One day, people are tired of fickleness and understand that fickleness is harmful to body and mind. They will certainly look for the green grass that originally belonged to us. Maybe my life is limited and I can’t wait for it, but I believe, that day will come! 2013 nian 7 yue 3 ri morning Anshan

Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era

The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them…

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Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 14, 2018)

January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s…

Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Tarfffycidh

After dinner today, I took a group of friends to mantning beer cafe. My friends ordered red wine and asked me to drink, but I had to drive at night, so I couldn’t drink. I wanted to drink coffee, and asked everyone whether to drink it, but there were still five people to drink. Asked the bar for coffee, God replied that the coffee stove was broken and could not be boiled. Strange, is the coffee stove in the cafe broken? So I took the coffee equipment in my car and boiled six cups of coffee at the bar. I can’t be regarded as an authentic barista, but I am obsessed with coffee. I have been groping constantly to try the usage methods of various coffee utensils and the taste of coffee brewed from various utensils, I have tried all kinds of utensils such as Belgian pot, siphon pot, mocha pot and brewing pot. The same beans have different tastes; Different beans, the same utensils, the same methods, have different tastes. The same utensils, the same beans, and the smell cooked by different people are quite different. A good barista, even ordinary beans, can make a cup of good coffee. A good cup of coffee needs a good barista to boil. The coffee he cooks has a fascinating flavor far away. When you first sip, what you taste is the bitter taste of coffee; when you drink the second mouthful, the bitter taste decreases, and the fragrance slowly circling in your mouth; When you drink the third mouthful, the full fragrance comes out, you stop for a while, slowly aftertaste, on the tip of your tongue, teeth, lips and both sides of your tongue are fragrant. At this time, you taste the smell of coffee. You continue to drink, and slowly you will be intoxicated with coffee. You are reluctant to smoke, eat or drink water, because you are reluctant to destroy the strong coffee flavor in your mouth, your mouth is full of saliva, and you are even reluctant to swallow it. When you drink a cup of coffee, you will sit there and slowly recall the aftertaste of the coffee. At this time, you find that in some corner of the coffee shop, there are seemingly absent music, and some people whisper in the smell of coffee, and you don’t want to do anything, I just want to be stunned there. I have traveled through many cities and never forget to taste a cup of coffee wherever I go. Coffee left me many unforgettable memories. I remember the first time we designed a coffee shop. Six of us went to Chengdu to inspect the coffee shop. We went to six coffee shops a day. Every time we went to a coffee shop, we ordered six cups of coffee. Time was short, so we didn’t have time to taste slowly. We walked around the cafe, then the six stood up and toasted each other together, and drank them off. On that day, everyone drank six cups of coffee, but actually they didn’t really taste the taste of coffee. However, six people couldn’t sleep at night, and they blew to the dawn in the hotel. I remember one time when I went to Hangzhou, I wanted to drink coffee, so I called and went to find a coffee shop. In Hangzhou Lanshan Cafe, a person found a chair to sit on and ordered a cup of Lanshan Coffee. The waiter gave me a small fruit plate, several pieces of fruit, exquisitely placed in a small plate, and half a piece of chocolate. Then the coffee came, and there was a small cup with a layer of wine at the bottom. I asked how to drink this wine? Answer: Sir, a few drops of Blue Mountain coffee taste better! So I knew that coffee could be drunk with wine. I tried to drop two drops into the coffee, and after mixing it well, I tasted it. It was really unusual, with a long fragrance, which lasted for a long time. I slowly felt the coffee with good wine, I wasted one morning in the coffee shop, but I just wanted to stay. Later, when designing the leader cafe, the graphic drawing was finished, but I didn’t know what style to decorate. The boss said it was not urgent. You can go outside and give you 20 days to investigate. The money for drinking coffee, the hotel fee and the fare are all reimbursed. I am alone. In Chengdu and Chongqing, I transfer four or five cafes every day and drink two or three cups of coffee every day. In 20 days, I have watched hundreds of cafes, besides learning other people’s decoration design style, that is to taste coffee. In 20 days, I tasted all kinds of coffee, but the most impressive one was a cup of Irish coffee. I have drunk Irish coffee in many cafes, but the smell of that cup of coffee never tasted again! Because I can’t remember what I drank in that cafe clearly, there are only some memories left in my mind. Irish coffee needs to add a few drops of Irish whisky, and many cafes also add it, which is not as good as that cup of coffee. The coffee was placed on my desk, and I saw another circle of evenly distributed sugar on the edge of the cup, smelling the smell of coffee, The smell of wine and coffee flew over, and I was drunk without drinking. Taste a mouthful of coffee, sugar particles release sweet taste on the lower lip, coffee releases bitter taste on the upper lip, the fragrance of wine enters from the nostrils, coffee and wine invade your taste buds, and you become its captive instantly, I will never forget this bite. A cup of good coffee is just like a good poem, which you will never forget in your life. Most of the time, you will recite it unconsciously on your mouth and lick your lips with your tongue from time to time. So I always want to drink a cup of Irish coffee when I arrive at the cafe, but I can’t find that feeling. Either there is more wine or more sugar, so there is no proper feeling any more. Until last year when I drove from Guangyuan to Zhangjiagang, I drank coffee all the way and walked all the way from one cafe to another. The hundreds of miles in the middle often didn’t leave me memories, but the smell of coffee attracts me. I also ordered a cup of Irish Coffee in Hefei Shangdao Cafe. The barista came to my desk to operate on site. Ice coffee was already in the Cup beforehand, with a layer of milk foam on it. The barista lit Irish whisky with another transparent glass, rotating the glass beautifully, and the Blue Flame was burning vigorously in the Cup, then pour the wine into the coffee cup gracefully and quickly. Barista carrying left hand, Stretching out his right hand, half bending, smiling, he said to me very gentleman, sir, please taste the coffee I made! When the strong smell of wine drifted into the nostrils, the coffee was already floating before drinking. After drinking it slowly, the milk foam covered my lips, and the fragrance also covered my lips. The cold coffee was sweet and delicious. After drinking it again, the hot wine smell came up. The coffee and wine filled my mouth instantly, it makes me full of saliva and endless aftertaste. At this time, I knew the importance of performance. The process of performance made you fascinated. Tasting coffee made you more infatuated. You had forgotten everything around you and only closed your eyes there, intoxicated in the fragrance of coffee, it is like a beautiful dream, and I don’t want to wake up. Wine and coffee, one Cup after another, I often think about this kind of life. So no matter where I am, I have to bring coffee utensils and good coffee beans, and make coffee by myself to taste. I even spent hundreds of yuan to buy Irish whisky, which made me tired from work, Just make yourself a cup of coffee with the aroma of wine to intoxicate yourself. I have designed many cafes, seen many ways of making coffee from barists, tasted countless coffee, and introduced a lot of business to a coffee company. The Taiwanese boss of the coffee company told me personally, no matter whether I design a cafe or not, their company will provide me with coffee beans for free for life, so I can’t live without coffee any more. Every time I arrive in Chengdu, I want to go to their company to have a look whenever I have time. Most of the time I want to go to their company instead of getting coffee beans, because I haven’t used up my coffee beans yet, I just tasted a cup of coffee made by the barista. I often ask many barists for advice about how to use coffee, depending on how many beans they put in, what kind of heat they use, the time and direction of stirring, the time of reading seconds, the order of putting milk, I have accumulated many ways to make coffee. I can’t use every utensil to make a good cup of coffee, but I have already got my own way. Anyone who has drunk the coffee I made, I like all my skills, including tonight. If you are lucky to be with me and I am free, I will take you to a place that you can’t imagine, with elegant saxophone, and make you a cup of coffee to drink. You drank the coffee I made, That may be the best part of your life. I have a dream, that is to drive my broken car, pull my villa, take my son to cafes and drink coffee all over the world! If this dream can be realized, I will have no regrets for my whole life. Like (prose editor: Di Mo Chengshang) the 30th year of my WeChat era

The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them…

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Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 14, 2018)

January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s…

Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Ebzjbccww

I haven’t written for a long time to record the details of my life. Today’s rise, I left behind these few words, leaving a shadow for my gentle and tortuous feelings. Sweet as me, still smirking at the air, kissing at the photo. Memories not much, Miss many. The deposit is reserved, but the court is scattered, crazy for love. How many promises sprouted today and died tomorrow, so there is no need for promises. Emotion is just a kind of nature. Just like flowers bloom and fade, I understand. The stories he told were full of joy and sadness, which rendered the atmosphere of loving him. I just listened casually, and I was inevitably infected. A few days ago, I wrote a silly sentence that engraved your emotions in my heart, slowly grinding them into my feelings. Now I think it’s really silly. You are you, I am me, why imitate you? It has always been my most romantic, beautiful and profound encounter.

Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era

The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them…

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Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 14, 2018)

January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s…

Be a person who never stops growing up

Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. Maybe it’s uncomfortable, she has less demonstration action today,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 13, 2018)

January 13, 2018: Yesterday, my sister and nephew Little David didn’t come to the Dongwan village of jinjiaba where my mother and I stayed temporarily,…

An emotional diary of a Christian (January 12, 2018)

January 12, 2018: The day before yesterday, I said, “my mother will go to Kunshan tomorrow.” However, yesterday, my mother did not go to Kunshan…

Posted in Ihbic

The recent days are always gray, with one or two rains falling from time to time, which looks like the face of a child with uncertain weather. It was near the beginning of spring, but it was colder than winter, adding a layer of bleak. I never thought that the snow scene that I had been thinking about in the winter of last year would float down in this season. In a Korean drama, it is said that all the lies can be forgiven when it first snowed. Is it true? Does it mean that people’s hearts can be redeemed and understood at this time? In children’s eyes, fairy tales are real and the world we live in. Children are willing to believe in fairy tales, just as my little nephew believes in green grasslands and smart Pleasant Goat, there are stupid wolves who can’t catch sheep and sponges who can speak. Once he asked me why gray wolf was so stupid that he couldn’t catch Pleasant Goat. I asked him if he wanted to watch this cartoon all the time. He said, I told him that Gray Wolf would never eat sheep if he wanted, and he didn’t understand. I didn’t tell him that there was no green grassland or Pleasant Goat in this world, but I told him that he must admit the lie, so that he could be forgiven by others. In fact, what I told him was not a fairy tale or a lie. For three years, I always like to have that dream. Every time it is the same, every time I wake up at a plot point. After waking up, I can’t fall asleep any more and go through the dawn. I haven’t mentioned this dream to anyone. This is my wound, my heart knot, the past I want to go back, and the distance I can’t touch. It is a dream, but actually it is not. It is a reality, a bloody reality. In order to cover up its ugly appearance, I painted it beautifully with gorgeous lies. I can’t find a better solution. No one can really understand it. No one knows that I have been hiding in bed for countless nights. People who have never experienced this kind of feeling don’t understand at all. It seems that the heart is no longer my own, drinking hot water will freeze immediately, and in the hot summer, I will feel cold all over my body. It really tortures people. For a period of time, I always locked myself in the house and didn’t contact with the outside world. There were a lot of instant noodles and junk food stored in the refrigerator, which could be eaten by myself for a long time. In the daytime, all the windows are closed tightly, and the curtains are closed, hiding in the bed to sleep; At night, all the lights at home are turned on, and the windows are also turned on, and the cold wind is blowing to read novels. Live a Life reversed from normal people. It is also during this period that I suddenly hope that people who know me, people who like me and people who hate me can forget me and format me thoroughly. This is also because of the dream that I always love, which makes me feel insecure suddenly, blows me hard for a moment, and makes me begin to doubt how true my friends around me are to me. At that time, there was no family, no friends, no people to talk around, and I was tortured by that nightmare, and suddenly felt that everything was empty. Empty houses and empty hearts inevitably have to think wildly. The more you think about it, the more pitiful you will feel. You will cry like abandoning the world. Today, I was scared to wake up by that dream again. When I woke up, I cried. What should I do to make myself indifferent and face bravely. Is it my robbery? In the past three years, I have been healing myself silently, telling myself that it has passed long ago and nothing can’t be passed. No matter things or people, they will pass. Also today, my father said to me: in my eyes, you are not as useless as they said. On the contrary, I have always been convinced that my daughter is capable, no matter how old you are, I will also raise you! Hurriedly hid in the toilet, covering his mouth and crying all the time, until his nose lost the ability to breathe, he sorted out his emotions. I know Dad loves me, but he never said these words to me. I remember reading a sentence: Your father is the man who loves you most in the world. Said of good. It was still raining outside. Thinking of what my father said and my mother’s concern to dress more, tears kept flowing. My parents knew that, but they didn’t know that it had evolved into my dream. They loved to wake me up when I was sleeping. Because of that incident that year, it was the first time that I heard my father’s old, helpless and painful voice on the phone, which completely overturned his dignified and young image in my impression. After that year, I suddenly found that my parents were old, but I could do nothing. That year, I suddenly grew up. I don’t know if I will dream again tonight. I think I won’t cry again tonight. Today’s tears have dried up, and today’s I am tired. That’s it. Let it rain all the time. At least I still have a house that can shelter from the rain and a quilt that can withstand the cold. I should be satisfied.

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