2012.10.21

When you take a thing seriously, you will find that you really forget about sleeping and eating. Yesterday afternoon, my aunt called me to go home for lunch, which was a rare half day off in a week. I said yes, I will come as soon as I finish my homework. There are snacks usually prepared in the schoolbag. If you feel hungry, you should deal with them first. I originally planned to finish my homework before eating outside. I don’t need it now. Although I’m too lazy to go home, I can overcome this laziness by thinking about the good of my family. Home. Both diet and others are much better than those outside. I didn’t expect that once I finished my homework, it was over 7 o’clock in the evening. Time flies fast enough. It is my first time to do homework, read books, and forget the time, I am very happy. Fortunately, I can experience this pleasure. It was eight o’clock when I got home. My aunt said that I really grew up. Maybe, after all, I was in senior three and called the head teacher for leave at night. (The school has access control, and I have to go back to the dormitory before 8: 30 p.m. during the holiday) after dinner, I took a bath and slept beautifully. Even if I didn’t sleep until early morning, I was very satisfied. This is the most fragrant and warm sleep I have had this week. It’s good to be home! Only after staying outside for a long time can you feel the warmth of home. School life is very fulfilling. Although sometimes I feel very tired, there are also many times when I feel helpless. If I don’t say something, it doesn’t mean I don’t know. If I see through it, I will look down on it. There is a saying like this: who does not say people behind, who does not say people behind. Indeed, it is like this in our life. No one likes others to talk about themselves behind their back, but he always talks about others inadvertently. Teacher Xiao once commented in my diary: This world is a dip Basin. Whether you can get out of the silt without stain depends on your own determination. Indeed, the world is very complicated, and I don’t need to care too much. What others do is others’ business after all. What I should pay attention to is my own behavior. What I can manage well is also my own behavior. The thoughts of others will never erase my personality, because I understand my pursuit. As for the current situation, I am very satisfied. I will continue to work hard in my study. I want to draw a perfect end to high school and give a satisfactory answer sheet for this period of study. I hope that when I look back, I can say proudly: I have a clear conscience and this life is enough.

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Brother said: let’s live a meaningful day! Yes, we should make today’s life meaningful. In fact, I often think: what is meaningful? This should be a philosophical question. But I think the day I spend in the way I like should be meaningful! Perhaps because of personality, most I am lonely. Although I am not afraid of loneliness, it is always bad, because long-term loneliness means isolation and self-satisfaction. In fact, this is not what I want. Fortunately, I know how to reflect on myself. I have always thought that weakness and desire for care are linked together. Because it is my fault in interpersonal relationship to refuse to care even if you refuse to be weak, or you can’t learn how to care. When my sister-in-law called me, I was a little surprised, but more moved. This deep gratitude! The habit of many years: buy yourself a favorite book on your birthday! In fact, I am still ignorant and inexperienced in how to read books and how to choose books. My world is too narrow, but good books can bring me a wider vision. When I was lonely, he was also my best friend accompanying me. Therefore, I have no reason not to like the growth and happiness brought by books. When I chose a soft book Pride and Prejudice published by Yilin for payment, I found there was some dirt on the cover and asked the cashier to change a new one. She replied to me unexpectedly: Sorry, these are all new. If you think this book is not good, you can choose the hardcover one, which has never been touched. In fact, dirt is a trivial matter, and what the cashier said is also a trivial matter. I can tolerate others’ Pride and Prejudice. I always feel that it is not myself when I eat half-cooked steak alone in such a large hall, because this is not the life I am used to and the way I eat. Fortunately, I was relieved by the light tone of Bandari. In a bit awkward, I also found that eating alone is still lonely. When sharing delicious food, you should still be with your friends! My husband has always forgotten my day. I didn’t want to remind him or complain about him. To be honest, my husband and I are really two different people. I disagree with his thoughts sometimes, and he will feel ridiculous about some of my behaviors. But we still lived together for 10 years and had quarrels, but we can always reach consensus in solving the common things at home. Sometimes, he would compromise with me, and sometimes I would take his decision as the result. Maybe we are complementary. Although we have less fun together, we are still suitable for living together. I think: Maybe I am not a good wife, but I must be a good mother! After finishing what I wanted to do, I went home to prepare dinner. Stewed white radish with stick bone and stewed potatoes with pork belly. I am always willing to cook it because Leer needs and likes it. Leer was out of school and saw the books she liked on the table. She was surprised, because the book I promised to buy was 10 days later. In fact, this was the agreement between Le ER and me: she insisted on not procrastination for 15 mornings, I bought him a different book. Today is the fifth day. I gave her a reward in advance. Of course she was happy. Every time I buy a book, I always bring a book to Le ER, and this time is no exception. When Leer asked me why: I told her that today is my mother’s birthday, and my mother’s happiness needs to be shared with her. My husband went home, Le er blamed my father for not buying birthday cake for my mother, and also said that my mother must make her happy today’s birthday! My husband remembered that today is my birthday. He didn’t apologize, but immediately took 500RMB from his pocket to let me buy what I liked. I didn’t receive the money, but said to him gently: this is not what I need. What I want is love and heart. The husband smiled and said: this is his love, his heart. Indeed, this is really my husband’s style! I just often feel sorry that his way of expressing love is always different from the love I want! In fact, as far as I am concerned, it doesn’t matter whether I can cut the cake or not, whether I want to accept gifts or not. I just want my man to keep me in his heart. Perhaps, this is harsh! In fact, this is also simple! Maybe I am really not a good wife, because I can’t be a good principal or a good student in this school of marriage! My brother made me live a meaningful life, but actually it also made me live a happier life! Indeed, when one can truly accept the imperfections in life, one can also find those real happiness in life! Brother, I think I am happy!

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I haven’t kept a diary on the computer for a long time. Maybe I can’t remember those years any more. In junior three and senior one, many people or things are getting farther and farther away from me. But it seems to me, but it seems that I am not so lonely and only have another shadow to accompany me. About him, about that day, I didn’t understand how the profound and loss-bearing at that time continued step by step? I would rather believe that the I am at this moment is too lonely? Because it is still so simple and happy, I really want to approach him. Just like the plots in all romantic movies, dependence is so beautiful. I can never see the reality clearly. Maybe only deceiving myself and others can make me happy. Therefore, even if the fantasy is mixed with disappointment, I can hardly give up. Many things are beyond my control. The most stupid thing is that you want to deceive the whole world after cheating yourself. I suddenly understood how naive those thoughts were at that time. In fact, I am not brave at all, no matter who I am facing. The struggle that cares too much can make people feel uncomfortable. I have asked for countless times, why? Why does he influence me like this. The answer is that I give him such rights. For a moment, I really wanted to escape, thinking that as long as I pretended to stay away from him carelessly, it would be liberation. I still remember that day, I told myself very seriously that I would never push myself to the cliff of disappointment for the little hope that existed. The fact is that I repeat such steps over and over again, just like moths blowing into fire. But it really doesn’t matter. All frustration will pass and all disappointment will end. But I am still looking forward to the dream-like story. In fact, it is really easy for me to be satisfied, so that the happiness of others can move me to a mess, so that a word of care makes me very happy. I also thought over and over again that maybe I was wrong from beginning to end. For example, I don’t understand love, but just covet a dependence. For example, we are not suitable at all, but I always put him in an important position. I still remember that I expected his reply after commenting on his comments. I still remember that I couldn’t sleep in all kinds of self-made stories. In fact, many things seem to be idiots to others, and only oneself can understand that sweetness. Once, I was very keen on such a game, about conjecture and mystery, nobody could see through who? We were all affectionate in our own castles, but we never approached. Maybe, after so many days, I will never find that feeling again. All I know is that the fear of gain and loss actually makes people collapse, while the wavering mood makes people helpless. I think, whether it’s me or you, there are many things you don’t know. Because there is something wrong, they will leave each other. Mistakes and mistakes are just our human nature. Today, Ling said to me: I know you must want to get it (a heart-shaped balloon). I immediately noticed her meaning. Yes, the chaotic interpersonal relationship is full of ambiguous atmosphere of gossip and gossip. Sorry, smart as I don’t understand, why is this? Tomorrow was once very important to me, but now I am afraid of being late. Because I was afraid of loneliness, I couldn’t wait to get close to you, but the result just made me feel more lonely. It doesn’t matter. I never know that the most important pride is the insurmountable wall between us. Unwillingness to compromise is my most stupid choice; And silence is the final answer you left to me. Sorry, the ending I can think of is a tragedy without exception. If one day our world really does not have any intersection, I still hope that these deep and shallow memories belonging to me can always exist in my heart.

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