I don’t like this city. I always wanted to go far away, leave my parents, leave my family, imagine the scenery of other cities, every tree, grass and even every cloud, all of these seem to be so beautiful in my imaginary world. For this city, I used to imagine that there was kapok in my heart, but I didn’t like it, but when I stepped on the land of this city for the first time, I knew that I wouldn’t like it. At that moment, there was almost nothing except the scorching sun above my head, the expectation in my heart has already disappeared without a trace. How could my kapok live in such a city? Yes, I still haven’t seen whether that I am should be happy or lost? What about the people in this city? It gave me the initial impression that it seemed that many people became mean because of their busyness, but the warmth of the villagers was less. Even if the withered trees of two strangers shuttled back and forth in the circuitous roadway, in this summer and summer place, there is a tree that lives like autumn. I stayed there, stroking its yellow leaves with my hand and said: I like this tree. My aunt heard that: What’s the beauty of this tree? It’s just a dead wood. Yes, it’s just a dead wood, and how many dead trees are there in this city like it? Each of us shuttles through this strange city like a dead tree, isn’t it, how difficult is it for a dead tree to stand firm in a strange city? How much courage and perseverance does it need to bear what has happened, is happening and will happen? Suddenly I felt that I really needed money to have a quarrel with the leader. It seemed that although I won, many people looked at me with special respect. Others asked me if I would like to hang in the office, I was like having a lawsuit. The final winner was me, but the real benefit was the other side. Yes, I left at last and the work I did every day exceeded my normal labor intensity, whenever I feel that I can’t stick to it, I remind myself that the tuition fee hasn’t been paid since the school is about to start. I should stick to it at least once, and I can’t always let my father hold it alone. Although he always said with a smile every time, “Don’t worry, there is no problem with tuition fees. Suddenly, I feel that I really need money, the money coming to Guangdong is saved from the living expenses (because I don’t pay much attention to food, I can only save money from food), yes, I haven’t cooked meat for a long time. At the end of the semester, I really lost a few pounds. My mother found out that I was only a few pounds thinner than I could see. In fact, it was agreed that I would visit a friend when I came, and later I found that there was really a big problem with the funds, although it was not much, it could still be counted as that for me. Later, I had to change the original plan and sorry her again. Yes, every time I tried to slack off, I would remind myself, I really need money (without shame) if I had money, my father wouldn’t have to rush about for my tuition. If I had money, I could visit my friends, and I wouldn’t feel so guilty, if I have enough money, I can do many things of my own. If I have money, my mother won’t have to work. Yes, if maybe I have really changed, Zhang Yu said that he would never see what I wrote again, and asked me why? Time or environment is not allowed. In fact, I didn’t find it before, but I just felt that I became lazy. Yes, I am not so melodramatic as before, and I don’t like reading books (even Lin doesn’t read it). I have seen a sentence before, When a person no longer expresses your feelings anytime and anywhere, it means that he is doing well. Maybe I am want to prove this point. Even if he is doing badly, he will not be as melodramatic as before, because I am afraid of exposing my mood and want to live a more realistic life. In fact, maybe I just wanted to find a sense of existence before, now I think whether to save or not is more because I need to defeat myself and all the sudden things. I think maybe this change is wrong, but after changing, I can’t go back after all. I just regard it as my own growth. Sometimes I feel that the whole world seems to be alone for no reason, and the sample says that I will cry for no reason, at first, I didn’t understand it, but later I found that I was actually not for no reason. It was just that I couldn’t say that feeling and couldn’t speak. Only my heart could truly feel that kind of sadness, cone is painful but as long as there is someone around, you don’t need to talk, you don’t need comfort, you just need to lend you a wide shoulder, and you will feel that the whole world is warm. Sometimes when you are unhappy, you will pick up your mobile phone to call friends or people you know. However, most of the time, the other end of the phone will always say that the phone you are calling has been turned off, or the call you made is on the phone, or there is only a beep sound, then you will feel very helpless in your heart, but when you recover, you will feel that everything is nothing, yes, people are so strange. Sometimes, even if you dial, you don’t know what to say, you just have to laugh foolishly. Sometimes, you can simply talk to someone you don’t know on qq, (You can say anything because he doesn’t know you,) you will feel that there are actually quite a lot of good people in the world, I began to have confidence in life again and suddenly felt that life was really difficult. Maybe it was really a mistake to come here. I cried with omen the day before I came here, maybe it was reminding me not to find that apple had changed a lot along the way. I didn’t know what he wanted at first, and I began to guess what on earth was in his heart? And what I want is just a quiet love, quiet for a lifetime, without much fame and without too many frustrations, because I am afraid, I am afraid of sudden changes yes, I also know how scared I am that one day he will come out of my life, although I haven’t understood what love is since then? What kind of love is called Love? Do I really love him so much? Our words are so few along the way. I began to doubt love and everything around me, yes, this trip was really a very painful experience. It seemed that I wanted to be cruel and never leave Sichuan from now on. Life, how can a person live alone? Yes, it’s really hard. Sometimes, I even feel that living is to experience pain in this world. Pain is always more than happiness, I think I’m useless. Yes, my sister often says I’m useless because in her eyes, I can’t do anything without my parents. Yes, I also began to find a person, it’s really hard to learn to bear everything by myself, but I work hard every time. I want to do everything well. I want to stick to everything until the end, however, my persistence will always be completely damaged by the society without any mercy. Yes, life is really difficult. Sometimes, I think about those who hurt me without mercy. What on earth do they have in their minds? Are they really human? Can people really do this? Yes, they are living people, and they live a hundred times brighter than you. Because life has evolved into a person you will never be strange and you will never know. Then if you have been rolling in this so-called life for a long time, will you become such a stranger? It seems hard to imagine at first that maybe the world doesn’t like me today, maybe it’s not just today, I feel like I’m abandoned by the whole world, all the difficulties came to me and I began to wonder why the only material and spiritual pillar on my body was stolen by thieves at once, first robbed and then stolen, I feel that the bad guys all over the world have found me. I feel that this 2013 is really my Doomsday. I really want to be strong and optimistic like ordinary people, but every time I made up my mind to be optimistic, all the bad things came. What happened to the world? Why did I aim at me again and again. They all said that I was stupid. Sometimes I also thought that I was really much more stupid than ordinary people. Even the policemen who reported to the police said that I was stupid, but they never regarded the difficulties of the public as difficulties, when I sat in the police station foolishly, hearing their various laughters and being stolen in the car, everyone knew it, but I just felt lucky that it was not myself who was stolen like wood, I began to doubt whether there was a real heart in this world. I began to believe no one. I began to hate or even disgusting those policemen and people, seeing those posters praising how the police serve the people posted on the bulletin board of the police station, I began to despair of the world and felt that everything around me was fake, what kind of policemen who serve the people? When the masses encounter difficulties, laughing and ignoring becomes their daily life. They only need to sit in the office all day to brag. Someone is killed and act like it, show their identities as policemen. I began to doubt the authenticity of the whole world. I used to like watching the news, but now I changed the channel immediately after seeing it, because I no longer believe in what authenticity I can see there, I don’t even believe that I can see the fate and rise and fall of a country and a nation, because what you see there seems to be always good, words and chapters of praise it’s really difficult to live in this world sometimes even have the idea of suicide, but when thinking of parents, how can I sometimes really not figure out what reason to use to make myself live well, live well, this is in the Chinese textbook when I was in primary school, shi Tiesheng’s mother told Shi Tiesheng and his sister when she passed away, yes, live well, but I always can’t figure out how to live well, and what reason should we use to persuade ourselves to live well, and even if you want to live well, will the world give you a chance? Aren’t people living in this world suffering? Since it is pain, what does it mean to live well? Mom, I am tired to see a girl who is almost as big as myself on TV, because of the invisible pressure of life, because I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, for a long time, she has been pretending to be strong and excellent in others’ eyes. Finally, she could not bear the burden and pressure of life and chose to leave this so-called colorful world, in her posthumous note to her mother, she wrote, “Mom, I am really tired. Yes, the one who can live well in this world and live well, rather than saying that their hearts are strong enough and their attitudes towards life are optimistic enough, it is better to say that they have not been hurt excessively by this world. Many times I want to say something to this world: the world, I am tired because I feel that the world and the society owe me, not my parents, but even for family, how dare I say: I’m tired and I don’t even know how long it will take for me to recover. I really think I’m so tired in life. Sometimes, in order to make myself feel more relaxed, I will say to myself in my heart, there are so many great men and so many examples in the world. They have gone through so many hardships before they come to the end and have the final glory. What can I do about this?? In this way, I looked down upon everything. It seemed that I was unpromising as if I had seen through the world of mortals. I would think that I might become a well-known celebrity one day after experiencing these hardships. So what can I count as experiencing these? Hehe seems to feel that he is really ridiculous, celebrity? I imagined myself to be a celebrity in the future. In order to make myself calm about all these sudden things, this is the spiritual pillar that I want to accept all these sudden things happily. Hehe ridiculous, I feel that I always live in jokes. I can live my life as a joke. Facing my family, should I make myself stronger? I try very hard, I also tried very hard to learn, but sometimes I found that my spirit was completely collapsed, just like a bankrupt entrepreneur who was ruined by the society. The illusion hidden in the inner world has grown from small to large (in fact, I don’t know when it will start). There is an imaginary world deep in my heart. Whenever I am unhappy, in other words, this world will appear when I am unlucky. I will imagine all the beauty that belongs to me there, where I will shape myself into an extremely perfect person, I can get everything I want in that world. Yes, I let myself live there from childhood to adulthood in order to fight against reality. It has almost become my complete spiritual support, which is to imagine that this summer is so unbeautiful, but no matter how unbeautiful the summer is, it also exists in your life, and you accept or not accept it, if you like it or not, it can’t be waved away. Not?
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