On Sunday afternoon, I picked up my first-year son from primary school and went home from the extracurricular interest class to doutan Park. My son sitting on the back seat of the bicycle saw a classmate in the park, shouting to play games with my classmates, I parked my bike on the roadside in the park, and my son shuttled through the woods with his classmates with a toy gun he just bought, running on the grass and chasing between the pavilions, I just watched from a distance. After a while, that classmate was tired of playing. He said goodbye to my son and went back to his own home. I thought it was time for my son to come back to me, but he ran away alone and couldn’t see it in a flash. I waited for a while and still didn’t see his son back. Where will my son go? There is no fence between the park and the outside world, and you can go out all around. There is a busy road when you go out. And will the people who go for leisure in the park be taken away by strangers? The more I thought about it, the more scared I was. I called my wife immediately. My wife was taking advantage of the weekend break to catch up the project in the unit. After answering my phone, she hurriedly grabbed the work at hand and rode a bicycle to this side. In my anxious search and waiting, cloud feet swept over. It was cloudy, and then it rained heavily. My wife and I met each other in the pavilion shed in the park. The result of the discussion was that the possibility of my son running with strangers was extremely low. He should know the way home, and the possibility of going home by himself was very high, I stayed where I was and kept waiting. My wife went home to wait. However, even if he went home by himself and had to cross three streets and three crossroads with heavy traffic, could he do it? Besides, it is raining so heavily? This is the end of the matter. The rain was a little small, and my wife rode a bicycle to the direction of home in the rain. After about ten minutes, his wife called: his son had already waited at the door of his own house, and he arrived at the door before the rain. My running son annoyed me very much. Fortunately, there was a false alarm. When I got home, my wife was holding a short wooden stick and rebuked her son angrily: why did she run around alone? Thugs or spanking? My son muttered in a low voice: my classmates all go home by themselves, and I also want to go home by myself. Wife: Do you know how dangerous there are so many cars on the road? Son: before crossing the road, look left and right. I can do it. Wife: then you should also tell dad. Son: I am afraid that my father won’t let me go home by myself. That’s right. Parents are always not allowed to do this or that. They always take care of everything. They think they have done a lot for their children’s growth. In fact, in all kinds of care, the intelligence and innocence of children are eliminated, and the independent personality of children is strangled. This is the thing. My son went home safely in my fear and grew up in my troubles. (2009 nian 5 yue)

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The recent days are always gray, with one or two rains falling from time to time, which looks like the face of a child with uncertain weather. It was near the beginning of spring, but it was colder than winter, adding a layer of bleak. I never thought that the snow scene that I had been thinking about in the winter of last year would float down in this season. In a Korean drama, it is said that all the lies can be forgiven when it first snowed. Is it true? Does it mean that people’s hearts can be redeemed and understood at this time? In children’s eyes, fairy tales are real and the world we live in. Children are willing to believe in fairy tales, just as my little nephew believes in green grasslands and smart Pleasant Goat, there are stupid wolves who can’t catch sheep and sponges who can speak. Once he asked me why gray wolf was so stupid that he couldn’t catch Pleasant Goat. I asked him if he wanted to watch this cartoon all the time. He said, I told him that Gray Wolf would never eat sheep if he wanted, and he didn’t understand. I didn’t tell him that there was no green grassland or Pleasant Goat in this world, but I told him that he must admit the lie, so that he could be forgiven by others. In fact, what I told him was not a fairy tale or a lie. For three years, I always like to have that dream. Every time it is the same, every time I wake up at a plot point. After waking up, I can’t fall asleep any more and go through the dawn. I haven’t mentioned this dream to anyone. This is my wound, my heart knot, the past I want to go back, and the distance I can’t touch. It is a dream, but actually it is not. It is a reality, a bloody reality. In order to cover up its ugly appearance, I painted it beautifully with gorgeous lies. I can’t find a better solution. No one can really understand it. No one knows that I have been hiding in bed for countless nights. People who have never experienced this kind of feeling don’t understand at all. It seems that the heart is no longer my own, drinking hot water will freeze immediately, and in the hot summer, I will feel cold all over my body. It really tortures people. For a period of time, I always locked myself in the house and didn’t contact with the outside world. There were a lot of instant noodles and junk food stored in the refrigerator, which could be eaten by myself for a long time. In the daytime, all the windows are closed tightly, and the curtains are closed, hiding in the bed to sleep; At night, all the lights at home are turned on, and the windows are also turned on, and the cold wind is blowing to read novels. Live a Life reversed from normal people. It is also during this period that I suddenly hope that people who know me, people who like me and people who hate me can forget me and format me thoroughly. This is also because of the dream that I always love, which makes me feel insecure suddenly, blows me hard for a moment, and makes me begin to doubt how true my friends around me are to me. At that time, there was no family, no friends, no people to talk around, and I was tortured by that nightmare, and suddenly felt that everything was empty. Empty houses and empty hearts inevitably have to think wildly. The more you think about it, the more pitiful you will feel. You will cry like abandoning the world. Today, I was scared to wake up by that dream again. When I woke up, I cried. What should I do to make myself indifferent and face bravely. Is it my robbery? In the past three years, I have been healing myself silently, telling myself that it has passed long ago and nothing can’t be passed. No matter things or people, they will pass. Also today, my father said to me: in my eyes, you are not as useless as they said. On the contrary, I have always been convinced that my daughter is capable, no matter how old you are, I will also raise you! Hurriedly hid in the toilet, covering his mouth and crying all the time, until his nose lost the ability to breathe, he sorted out his emotions. I know Dad loves me, but he never said these words to me. I remember reading a sentence: Your father is the man who loves you most in the world. Said of good. It was still raining outside. Thinking of what my father said and my mother’s concern to dress more, tears kept flowing. My parents knew that, but they didn’t know that it had evolved into my dream. They loved to wake me up when I was sleeping. Because of that incident that year, it was the first time that I heard my father’s old, helpless and painful voice on the phone, which completely overturned his dignified and young image in my impression. After that year, I suddenly found that my parents were old, but I could do nothing. That year, I suddenly grew up. I don’t know if I will dream again tonight. I think I won’t cry again tonight. Today’s tears have dried up, and today’s I am tired. That’s it. Let it rain all the time. At least I still have a house that can shelter from the rain and a quilt that can withstand the cold. I should be satisfied.

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